


Allen Walker thinks he wants Kanda

by nicotinegum



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 23:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20105203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicotinegum/pseuds/nicotinegum
Summary: Allen Walker thinks he wants Kanda.





	Allen Walker thinks he wants Kanda

Allen Walker thinks he wants Kanda. Kanda is hot, but Kanda is cold. Kanda is tall and lean and beautiful in a lethal way. When Kanda moves, it isn’t a series of actions. Rather, it’s one fluid single motion and it takes Allen’s breath away. Kanda also hates him and wants him dead. He calls Allen beansprout, which is sort of cute in a teasing, bullying way. 

Maybe Kanda wants him too. Allen seems to be the only one who can piss him off just by breathing. Other people only make him annoyed. Allen can push him over the edge. 

Allen likes that. He feels special that way. There is a certain thrill when those clear blue eyes burn bright with anger. When Kanda takes out Mugen and threatens him with it. There is a thrill when Kanda’s attention is solely on him. 

So Allen thinks that maybe, given time, Kanda might come to realise that hey, he wants Allen too. Then maybe they could get together and talk it over. Allen would like that. They could be friends, and lovers and oh, he could be Kanda’s special person. 

But then Allen meets Lavi and Lavi takes his breath away. Literally. Lavi is bouncy, Lavi is hyper. Lavi talks and talks and talks and Allen wonders where he gets all the energy. Lavi is like a high speed bullet train not about to stop anytime soon. He is overwhelming and overbearing and Allen needs to stop, step back and take a breath whenever Lavi is around. Lavi makes him feel welcome, makes him feel wanted, makes him feel special. Without Allen maybe Lavi wouldn’t chatter so much. He feels important like that. 

Lavi knows Kanda. He calls him Yuu. Lavi says Yuu is Kanda’s name and when Allen asks, Lavi tells him that Lavi is the only one who can call him that. Yuu is Lavi’s special name for Kanda, and Allen thinks maybe he’s not so special to Lavi after all.

Maybe Lavi wants Kanda too. But if he did, he would have had more than enough time to get Kanda, so maybe they’re really just friends after all. There’s also Kanda’s arctic reception to Lavi when the two meet, so maybe they’re not even friends. Allen hopes they’re friends. Because if they weren’t then he couldn’t explain why Kanda let Lavi call him Yuu and why Lavi wants to call Kanda Yuu. Allen prefers it when there are reasons. It makes it that much easier to understand. 

But Allen can start to feel his hope disappearing. Every time an arm is slung around Kanda’s shoulder and every time Kanda turns murderous blue eyes on Lavi, Allen feels himself dying a little on the inside. But he won’t give up. He wants Kanda. He’s not sure if he wants Lavi, but he’s sure he doesn’t want them together. 

So Allen tries to intrude every time they are together. Lavi welcomes him, happy and sincere. Kanda ignores him. He is more interested in killing Lavi than acknowledging the air that Allen breathes and Allen is not used to that. The Kanda he met, the Kanda he knew, would snarl and hiss and try to claw at him the moment Allen is near. This Kanda he doesn’t like. This Kanda only has eyes for Lavi. 

Lavi knows this. Allen can see the delight in his eyes every time Kanda swears at him. The smugness every time Kanda shoves him off of him. The certainty every time Kanda unsheathes his sword to slice at him. Lavi knows Kanda wants him, and he knows Kanda knows he wants him back. 

Allen realises this now. He’s learned, is still learning, because he still thinks that this Kanda is not the Kanda he knew, but he’s wrong because he never really knew Kanda. He may be the only one that can piss Kanda off, but Lavi pushes him over the edge as easily as he slips his arm around Kanda’s waist and Lavi is the only one that Kanda lets so close.

Kanda obviously doesn’t want Allen, has never wanted Allen. But Allen still wants Kanda. He thinks, maybe he loves him, but Lavi’s smile tells him that Lavi loves Kanda more. There is no way Allen can compete with that kind of love. He can want Kanda as much as he does, but Kanda will never want him. It is Lavi that Kanda wants. Just like how it is Kanda that Lavi wants, and Kanda that Lavi has. Allen only wants Kanda, but Lavi needs him.


End file.
